Letters to President-elect Obama

Dear Mr. President-elect Obama,
You might want to start thinking about what you are going to get me, 'cause I just solved the energy crisis. That's not stigmatism or ear wax, Mr. Almost-President, you heard me right. Buying me a Landrover or jet might be slightly inappropriate, but books or money always make great presents. But before we get caught up in wild celebrations, let me tell you the plan. Oh goodness, then Mr. Obama, then we can really start to party, just like back in the '70s.
The answer to the energy crisis is called the Bus-ride Boyfriend Plan. Excited already, are we, Mr. Gonna-be-president-right-around-the-corner? Good. Me too.
Now, this plan is concentrated on the public transportation system. It's not used widely all over the nation. I mean, lets look at Houston, Dallas, LA. Very few people speak about taking the bus. If only we could make people maul each other just for a chance to stand in line for a bus. Well, dream no more, Barack - is it ok if I call you Barack?
I know how to make everyone want to line up for the bus in every city in the grand ole USA. Every attractive male by law will not receive a driver's license and instead must ride the bus. Hand over your license, Mr. Obama, you will definitely be getting on the bus. Before any male signs up for a driver's license or driver's education, he must submit a photo of himself. From this photo a panel consisting of, well, to be honest, whoever you want, will mark the male either bus-rider or driver.
Now, I know you might be thinking, Lindsey, this is going to cause some self-esteem issues in a country already being overrun by men acting like pussies. I've thought about this. One, men need to man up. Two, the ugly guys get to drive a car. The girls, who would have never glanced at them before, will be after them because they can drive. The attractive guys, oh, they will be on display on the bus for everyone, not just the elite club of rich and goodlooking. My gosh, I want to go out and buy enough bus tickets to last me a lifetime.
And here's another fun twist. If you want to become attracitve as a guy through surgery or merely lifestyle change of working out and eating properly, well, you're going to have re-submit a photo. If you are now attractive, that license is getting taking away. Step on the bus.
Mr. Obama, you might be thinking, why not women, too? Isn't this plan sexist. No, Mr. You're-not-president-quite-yet. The plan is econimical. The largest consumer demographic is women. If you question this, look at the success of Twilight.
Also, women get taunted, whistled at quite enough. It's time to turn the tables, boys. I'd cover up your bums, 'cause on these buses, some of the women might try the ole brush up. Like you haven't tried that Mr. Obama. Let's just ask Mrs. Obama.
You might now think, Lindsey, if the auto industry goes the country will be in dee guck. It's already going. Plus, the fleet of buses will be growing at exponential rates. We're going to need new buses, roads. Construction managers, higher your crews back. GM, I'd be looking at only making buses from now on.
More people on public tranportation, less wrecks. Hardly any drunk driving accidents for teenage boys. This is a life and planet saving plan. Plus, lots of teens get preggers in the back of a car. Gonna be hard to do that in a crowded bus, eh Obama?
It's hard to believe the answer was so simple, isn't it, Barack?
In all the sincerity of energy debates,
A concerned citizen